Podcast 2: Lovingly Observing Your Ego


Your ego includes your beliefs, identity, and emotions. In the journey to enlightenment, your ego is not the villain, but a beautiful vehicle of evolution. The key is for your ego to grow in alignment with the truth of Reality.

Your spiritual heart emerges from your ego. It is the mature form of your ego that has the capacity to observe, or witness, with unconditional lovingness.

When you witness yourself and others with lovingness, a healing takes place. The human being grows from ego-consciousness to heart-consciousness.


Let’s talk about one of the primary themes that we are up to here.

There is a lot of talk about the heart. We talk a lot about it. And yet, sometimes it can feel like an abstract concept, when in fact it is anything but.

It can be helpful in defining heart to also talk about what heart is not; what your heart is not. Your heart is not what is known as ego — the ego that we are familiar with. The most important elements of an ego — the elements worth discussing — include beliefs; include identity; and then also, we could say, include emotions.

Now to be clear, ego is not the villain. It’s not something to get rid of. It’s a beautiful vessel, vehicle, expression of evolution, that has taken us so far. And so when we speak of identity, emotions, beliefs, there’s nothing wrong with these things when we look at their nature. When we look at the ego’s nature, we see that the ego’s primary components, there’s nothing wrong with these component’s natures.

To confirm that you know what I mean when we speak of ego, that word identity, when I say your name, or you see me and you say “Matthew”, we both acknowledge that this is my identity.

Identity is what we believe we are. And so beliefs, even if we are not aware of the things that we believe, when we investigate what we believe, we find our beliefs. And beliefs, like identity, are also very functional. They’re very useful; they’re very good. In other words, they have great utility.

When you believe something, it’s as if you can rest in that relationship. So when you believe that the hot kettle will burn your hand if you touch it, you can rest into that. If you’re questioning that belief all the time, or you don’t believe it, you will waste a lot of energy or you’ll burn your hand. And I invite you to take that same understanding of any belief and investigate it in that same way.

Recognize that when you believe something — you believe in the goodness of your marriage or you believe that family is important — you operate, you act in that way. It allows the entire nervous system to rest and to orient. And the key is, of course, to believe accurately — in other words, have our beliefs align with the truth of things; align with reality.

Emotions — what we’re saying are like the third element of the ego, — emotions help to give body. It’s like the mass of the ego. So what gives a belief potency, is the emotion that we feel along with that belief. So without emotions — joy, hate, disgust, happiness, sadness — beliefs actually wouldn’t have meaning. We wouldn’t have — if you really think about it — motivation to believe anything. So emotions are very, very ancient structures. They predate identity. And they even predate beliefs, in this way, these deep feelings.

This ego: What we’re trying to do is just look at its simple components, its elements, without a strong sense of emotion or judgment. We just say, “Oh, yes, this is what the ego is.” We become very identified with our beliefs and then an ego is born.

In spiritual circles, and in some spiritual traditions, there is an emphasis on the dissolution of the ego. And I highly advise you not to try it. Ego is a very, very beautiful, highly evolved structure of consciousness. The problem is when ego is all we think we are; all we believe ourselves to be. And we don’t open to that which is including the ego, but it’s also — we could say — beyond the ego?

What is beyond belief? And what is even beyond emotion? It’s a quality of consciousness that we could best say is your heart. Heart is that structure that is the next evolutionary step of the human being. So from ego consciousness to heart consciousness. And just as beliefs predated — evolutionarily speaking — identity, identity came after the capacity for nervous system to identify as itself, with something; evolved after the capacity to have fundamental beliefs. So the heart has evolved beyond the ego, and it is available to you now.

So if we’re saying that heart includes ego, but is not ego — in the same way that ego includes beliefs, but is more than just beliefs, It’s also identity. Heart includes all of these elements of ego. It includes identity and belief and emotion. But what is the hallmark of it; what makes it different than ego? Many things. But we’ll emphasize a few key ones today.

The first attribute of the heart, of your heart — and whenever I speak of heart, this is the heart I’m referring to — is the capacity to witness or observe. So whereas ego doesn’t need to witness or observe in order for it to function, it can just believe, and identify, and act from there. It learns its beliefs; it identifies with them. We know many people like this. I know myself to be like that often throughout the day. And again, ego is not an enemy. It is a very efficient aspect of consciousness of the nervous system.

We could almost say that the ego’s job is just to believe, and identify with those beliefs. So then, the heart’s job is to witness, observe the ego — specifically witness the identity, witness the beliefs, even witness the emotions, observe these dynamics.

And to what end? Well in part, to help to grow and refine the ego. And again, what this means is to grow and refine identity, beliefs, emotions. So that’s all the heart needs to do in relationship with the ego. It’s not the ego’s job to analyze itself. That’s the heart’s job — to care for the ego in that way.

Your heart: Its very nature is spiritual; its very nature is divine. In other words, what are the attributes that we would give to divinity? Well, we would say loving, caring, compassionate, truth seeking. And what else would we say? Expansive, powerful, intelligent, and on and on and on and on. Virtues. Divine qualities.

What you notice, when you are there observing the ego, again, observing your identity, that just tendency of consciousness to be identified as something — emotions, beliefs. What you notice about the heart is that spontaneously, without effort, it is these qualities of the Divine. (You notice) That that witness, that witnessing of your ego, your identity, your human certainty of your name — all that that entails. That when the heart observes, it does so lovingly. It does so wanting a higher, better outcome. It cares, doesn’t it?

When one practices a mindfulness meditation, for example, and they’re told to observe; (to) just observe neutrally, that first emergence of observing the thought stream, observing the sensations, observing the emotions, it’s good, it’s very important. But ego is so used to ego — that state of consciousness — that really, that first quality of observing is ‘ego observing ego’. It’s not — and perhaps you can identify with this — that when one first starts this kind of meditation, that observer; that witness value is not neutral. It is self-criticizing. It is observing, “I’m so bad at observing” or observing some replaying (of) something difficult in the life, and then going down that rabbit hole. That’s just the tender beginning of consciousness evolving beyond the ego. It’s very, very gentle. Or rather, let’s make it gentle.

I use the word ego. And again, I want it to be very, very familiar, not technical; not even the definition of ego in psychology — although it’s a good definition. What I’m using that word as a gateway for, is to identity, and emotions, and beliefs. These things. Because we all know what these things are — to be really identified with something.

So as we are with that observing awareness, and we come to this place — It doesn’t actually have to be this place of the heart; I’m placing my hand on my heart. But in the human experience, this really does correlate the heart center — that place between the root and the crown; the base of the spine and top of the spine. There is a correlation between this space and the deeper meaning of spiritual heart.

We are moving into the domain of heart when we are observing, watching — similar to how a parent would observe or watch their child or a loved one. It’s not neutral. Neutral observation is a fallacy, and that’s a good thing. Because we discover that that consciousness that you are, that observes the ego and all that the ego is constructed of, it cares. It has a motivation.

You wouldn’t just watch. You wouldn’t just observe. You wouldn’t practice “mindfulness” for no reason. You would do so for a reason; a reason of care and goodness and kindness. And this is, we could say, the conscious beginning of becoming Divinity.

When we are observing, and we discover that this observer really cares; really loves; really is seeking the truth, this is the heart — this is heart-consciousness, in comparison to ego consciousness.

And yet, the heart, this consciousness, it is built upon the foundation of ego — just as adulthood is built upon the foundation of childhood. We don’t resent the child for not being an adult. We don’t resent the ego for not being the heart, or not being more loving. That’s not its job, that’s your job. That’s the job of your heart — this quality of consciousness.

And so whatever comes up in that realm of ego — this belief, that belief — first job is to be loving toward it. Just as the first job of a parent is to be loving toward a child. That doesn’t mean that that love always takes the form of, “Ooh, whatever you need.” In fact, love frequently won’t take that form. But love almost never takes the form of condemnation, and condescension, and deep frustration.

Some scripture says, ‘Love is patient. Love is kind.” Love is patient and love is kind. So this heart value; this heart value — because it emerges, as if, from that lower state of consciousness that we would call ego — what it’s going to do is care for that (ego) in the same way that when you are an adult, you’re built upon the memories of your childhood.

And so, the job of the adult is to check in on those childhood memories and bring them into the greater light of Truth. Bring healing to that child; bring care. This is what the heart does for the entire ego.

So, if there were a central mission that the Ascended Masters see for human consciousness on this planet, we could call it that shift from ego to heart. It’s not the dissolution of the ego. It’s just that the ego is no longer central. And we know we’re making progress in this shift to the heart, because we are so observant and caring toward our identity — not pooh-poohing it. Not trying to get rid of it. We are so observing, caring toward our emotions. And we’re really observant and caring toward our beliefs. And our motivation is to help all of these things grow. This is the heart. This is the heart. Its superpower is that it cares. And it’s why you can trust it.

If, when I say you, you know you’re in that ego state — maybe fearful or gripped — you can trust that witness value of the heart. And you know you’re making that shift into the heart, because that first inkling of the witness that the ego experiences when it’s observing itself, might just be full of judgment; full of distraction; full of being pulled into more of the churning of ego.

That shift into heart is that shift into a stronger witness value, where when you are observing what’s taking place, you’re really aware of the kindness; the care; that you want a higher, more loving outcome. It’s a beautiful, beautiful thing, this heart-consciousness.

And here might be the best part. I have a bias toward multidimensional perception and the structure of multidimensional creation — including the reality of incarnation; including the reality of the realms of the Ascended Masters. And so what of the heart in this context?

When we make that primary shift, the gravity of consciousness moves from ego to heart. Again, it’s not the dissolution of ego. It’s just the gravity, the center, becomes heart — loving observance. The heart discovers that indeed there is reality beyond it. Just like the ego discovers, “Hey, there’s a heart here that cares for me.” The heart discovers, “Wow, there’s something beyond me.” And probably is more articulate in the way it expresses that.

And what’s beyond the heart? Divine mother says “Her.” The heart grows. We could say in a way that ego grows toward heart, heart grows toward God. And we say that a heart that has grown toward God is a Saint. In the higher realms we would call them an Ascended Master, or a Guardian, or an Ascended Teacher.

And so this is what is meant by saying that it’s not the ego. It’s not Matthew identified as himself, with his childhood, and his drive, and his biases, and his motivations — all from his successes as a child, and his failures as a child, and his need for love in this way and that way, and the lessons he gained, and the lessons he misunderstood — all of that. And he’s going to get enlightened. Maybe!

But it’s more like this: You know those rocket ships that blast off into space? Remember, like the original NASA ship, and it had those rockets attached to it, and you’d see them fall off one by one? That motivation. Perhaps that’s what gave me the initial boost, or gives someone the initial boost. But that rocket falls away. It’s actually that heart value, that witness value, that has different motivations — a different relationship with life — that grows toward enlightenment. So it’s the mature form of ego, which we could call heart. But it’s so mature that it’s worth calling it something else. This heart. Your heart.

So this is the power of your heart. And its hallmark is love; lovingness; unconditional. And its practice is toward the ego. But in order to really love something, you have to see it. That’s the witness value. So in order to really love you, you have to see you. That’s witnessing. That’s observing. This is the evolution of consciousness.

When you are observing, with lovingness, yourself, you are healing yourself. When you observe, lovingly, others, you are healing others. And it is this miracle that is the exponential growth of the human being — when this becomes the center of gravity.

Whatever timeline your ego consciousness was on in terms of evolution, that’s no longer the timeline that applies to the heart. Progress can look linear, and then it can prove to be exponential.

What I mean is: When you are in this space of the human being and you’re struggling with the ego, and you’re struggling with that loving observance of yourself, “Yeah, I can love others, but I can’t love myself,” that’s just the ego looping. And it can feel like very slow progress. But when you realize it actually is that simple of just coming back until you’re established in that place of “Oh, unconditional love is unconditional love.” Loving observance is loving observance, seeing that flow and being more guardian of it, a caregiver to it. However long it took to get to that place, Divine Mother says the next destination is surely closer.

So this is your heart. Your heart is an already-established reality. It is the simple experience — not of believing, emoting, and identifying. It is the simple experience of lovingly observing these things. In other words. observing with care; observing with gentleness. It evolves. It evolves, it grows the ego. It grows you.

And this is simply its orientation to ego. When it orients to its own nature, then the cosmos open; then multidimensional reality opens; then the celestial and divine planes open. And that is a related story, and another one.

© 2024 Matthew Reifslager International. All rights reserved.
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